oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
