my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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