Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
