i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
