he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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