My balls are so social today.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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