you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
