woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
