Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The uberlube is also flammable
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
