I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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