I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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