I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
