um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize