Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
