And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
