there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
