He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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