well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
