I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
