Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
