I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
