Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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