How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
