is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
