I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
