dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I am puke
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
