***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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