I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
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worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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