Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
