In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
