I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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