Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize