Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
