we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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