If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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