is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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