He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
