dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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