He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
bring money and cleavage
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
