I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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