i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
