I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
