I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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