In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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