Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize