Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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