I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
