Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
