i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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