you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
