I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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