I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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