sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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