whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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