I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
