census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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