Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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