Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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