its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
