I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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