I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
